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Monthly Archives: March 2014

Do you ever feel unbalanced in your relationship?

What’s the logic behind double standards in relationships?

Here is some common double standards you may be subject to, which conveniently don’t apply to your boy or girlfriend:

1. I can go out with my friends anytime I want, but you should check with me before you go out.
2. If I want to flirt with girls or guys it’s okay; you aren’t allowed to flirt.
3. It’s not a big deal if I blow up your phone when I can’t get a hold of you; just make sure you never do that to me.

“Why would anyone be with someone who thinks like that?”

That is the question everyone asks, but don’t really know the answer to.

There’s a lot of reasons to why double standards happen in relationships. Firstly, it could be that your partner don’t feel that you are equals. And another reason could be that your partner wants to control you. But the most common reason for double standards are insecurities.

To cure the common double standard is a relationship that is based on mutual respect and trust.

So treat your partner as you would like to be treated.

A lot of people, even myself, find it hard to move on, but it’s the healing process that will direct us on the new road that was avoided.
 
Because love is like tar, it binds us. When it breaks, you have to meticulously scrub off all the old tar to bind new tar in the same spot.
 
After a break up, you alone can give yourself the closure you are looking for. No amount of exchange of letters or making contact will help. It is a ploy to have this person in your life.
 
I was told to apply the no contact rule if I truly want to move on and by doing so, you will with time be at ease and you will look back at everything as a chapter in your life i.e. the past.

Some stories are meant to be short stories, nothing more.
 
“How do I move on?” I ask myself this question every day. To be frank, I really don’t know the solution anymore. I guess it’s because I felt so strongly for the person. I woke up every morning knowing that seeing them would make the rest of my day perfect. Grasping that they were the only person I could ever dream of being with, and even though I may never be what they want or need, I still kept hoping that one day they would feel the same.
 
I think it’s hard because I couldn’t come to terms with the fact that I loved and they didn’t love me in return.
 
Maybe now I can move on as well?
 
However for true healing to take place, you have to tell yourself that it is over and mean it. But then again I refuse to be a slave, to let my emotions govern my space, but it really took some time for me to come to that consciousness.

Now I am comfortable in my own skin, still feel lonely at times, but not uncertain.

The healing process for every break up is letting go.

I read the bible on passover and I came across contradictions.

Did the Last Supper take place on the first day of Passover as indicated in the Book of Mark 14:12, Matthew 26:17, Luke 22:7)?

Was it most people’s Passover, or was it the Passover of the Essenes, which was two days earlier than the ‘regular’ Passover?

I enjoy find contradictions in everything…

So I apologize if I offended.

I know I previously wrote a blog ‘EX-ology’, but I have spoken to so many people regarding the touchy subject that I will blog again (hopefully for the last time).

Here is a rhetorical and hypothetical story. Tracey was sick of the fact that Trevor’s ex-girlfriends were still present in his life, so she dumped him.

She claims the break-up was hard on both of them but they are still good friends. The absurd part of this story is she dumps him, we got that, because of the exes, and yet she wants to be friends whilst being his ex.

So the next girlfriend that Trevor will date MIGHT feel the same way she did. Now how does that solve a problem? In my previous blog, I said that there is a proverb ‘We are better friends than lovers’, which is total bull. Get to know me then we hit the sack.

Moreover, Trevor phones Tracey to whine about how unhappy he is (which is a form of emotional cheating i.e Emotionally Wrong blog).

The obscurity is, what keeps you trapped in this cycle of rekindling a relationship? To bring up another topic, I have been in a rather somewhat dreary relationship.

I was afraid of leaving the relationship, because I thought that I might not find anything else. That is where the convenience of the relationship comes in.
I felt worthless.

Manipulation is real in any relationship. What was the point of my blog?

And, even though there were good times, delete the ex files.

Weigh up the relationship by asking “Are my present realities good or bad?”

What do you consider cheating? Some consider cheating to only be physical contact while for me (and hopefully others out there) cheating can happen through our new generations portal of interaction, technology.

Cheating can be on an emotional level. Moreover, the social media has made it unbelievably easy to flirt and meet people.

If you think that emotional cheating cannot be considered cheating, you are wrong.

Emotional cheating occurs when you crave emotional intimacy from someone else other then your partner. In events sometimes you go through a rough time in the relationship and you want to confide in someone and cant talk to your partner. In addition, before you know it, that person start to make you feel special, loved and accepted. You might think how can this do any harm. Well, the harm will come in the separation that has transpired, the bond that holds you two together are no longer there.

Emotional cheating is an affair of the heart. It has the capacity to injure a committed relationship more than, if it was physical.

You might think it is just emotional it is not like we are having sex, well, about half of such emotional involvements do eventually lead to sex.

For most individuals, the most hurtful and painful corollary of an emotional affair is the sense of being deceived, betrayed and lied to.

I am not Christian but God said be faithful to your partner, emotional unfaithfulness, infidelity is adultery (Matthew 5:28).

Please read attentively.

“To cut or not to cut your ex from your life that is the question”

Why did you and your ex break up in the first place? There you have it!

I will never be friends with anyone who betrayed me. In addition, the biggest question of all is, why would you want to be friends with your ex?

Is wanting to be friends a subconscious excuse to be around the person so you can have closure! Moreover, the opposite is true, too? Did you break up because you cheated? Do you feel you owe your ex, at the very least your friendship?

Believe you me that is not the kind of prefaces that will result in good friendships.
Have you heard this stupid line, “We are better as friends than lovers” … However, I know every bad-seeded relationship is different and there is not a right way to navigate from LOVERS to OVERS-KA-DOVERS.

I am not saying one can never be friends with ex, but for me an ex should be in the past. Hence, I will never really see the point in rekindling a friendship with anyone who betrayed my trust and love.

Growing up, I had some damaging and despondent moments [like most of you].

The idea of having a secure relationship terrified me – I could not stomach the notion of opening up to someone, of getting close emotionally. Consoling rushes are ditching me from everyone has become my default sentiment. I felt I had to deal with these painful feelings.

The journey to self-happiness was not going to be easy. I use to have and still have these implausible mood swings.

I was addicted to being sad, detached and emotionally overall. After meeting my partner I became happier and content, and I was like, ‘why would I want to go back there, having my default mood? This is much better!’ However, every now and then, a little big voice creeps into my head, saying, ‘no, it is not! You should hate and resent! Find fault in what he does and he knows too much already’ and I guess I will constantly have a frail mark, but that does not suggest I have to give in to it.