Growing up, I had some damaging and despondent moments [like most of you].
The idea of having a secure relationship terrified me – I could not stomach the notion of opening up to someone, of getting close emotionally. Consoling rushes are ditching me from everyone has become my default sentiment. I felt I had to deal with these painful feelings.
The journey to self-happiness was not going to be easy. I use to have and still have these implausible mood swings.
I was addicted to being sad, detached and emotionally overall. After meeting my partner I became happier and content, and I was like, ‘why would I want to go back there, having my default mood? This is much better!’ However, every now and then, a little big voice creeps into my head, saying, ‘no, it is not! You should hate and resent! Find fault in what he does and he knows too much already’ and I guess I will constantly have a frail mark, but that does not suggest I have to give in to it.